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2014 Toyota Yaris 1.5 SE (UAE Version): The Common Gearhead Review

Posted by commongearhead on June 27, 2014
Posted in: Reviews. Tagged: Dubai, Toyota, UAE, Yaris. Leave a comment

Yaris Front

Toyota’s slogan for the Yaris (in the US) is, I kid you not, “It’s a car!” And I’d like to congratulate Toyota on this incredibly accurate representation of the Yaris as an object. It is, in fact, a car. Just barely, I might add, but it still meets all of the necessary qualifications.

The 2014 Yaris sedan is a refresh of the immensely popular last-generation Yaris sedan, which for some reason is the preferred body style in the Middle East as well as in America. Come on people, hatchbacks are just better when it comes to cheap cars.

(Full disclosure: it’s a rental. I’ve been staying with my girlfriend’s family in Dubai for the last month, and due to the slightly ridiculous laws here, I’m not allowed to drive either of their fine automobiles: a Volkswagen R32 and a Jeep Wrangler. But her father’s company has been so gracious as to grant me a set of wheels, for which I am eternally grateful.)

So, in the style of a Jalopnik review, I decided to give the Yaris an evaluation of its own to find out if it is, indeed a “car” as Toyota claim.

Exterior: 3/10

Let me put it this way: over the last month, we have driven this car to a variety of places all over the UAE, and parked in a variety of large parking lots. Not once has any one of us been able to find the car on the first try. This is partially due to the fact that it is white, like 110% of all cars in this country, and partially because there are a million other Yaris’s (Yarii?) in the same parking lot. It looks completely anonymous, which is fine for those who couldn’t give two wags of a camel’s tail about their mode of transportation, but for this gearhead, that just won’t fly. However, it earns 3 points solely for the fact that the front fascia reminds me of an angry chipmunk, and that makes me smile.

Yaris Interior

Interior: 6/10

The interior is where the Yaris makes up for lost points. While it is a sea of hard plastic, Toyota has clearly tried very hard to make it look like soft-touch plastic, or even leather. I had to push my fingers on several different surfaces to make sure it was, in fact, hard plastic. And though our example is a sea of white externally, the interior is a good-looking combo of black and tan, which is admittedly my favorite look for almost any automotive interior. The Yaris is also surprisingly roomy inside, with more than enough space for human beings with legs to fit comfortably in the rear. The seats aren’t bad either.

Acceleration: 3/10

Oh boy, here we go. Or rather, here we don’t go. The Yaris is motivated (not very highly) by a 1.5 liter 4 cylinder, pushing out 107 horses and 104 lb-ft of torque. But with the air conditioning on high in the 110+ degree daytime sun, it feels like much, much less. I’m not sure of the exact time, but it takes well over 10 seconds to hit 100 km/h (as there is no mph reading on my rental). This can be difficult on the 8 lane highways of the UAE, when there is 60 km/h difference between the lane you are in, stuck behind an Afghani trucker or a laborer in an old Nissan, and the lane to your left, occupied solely by excessively-speeding expat moms in Range Rovers and… laborers in old Nissans.

Braking: 4/10

The good news is that the Yaris is, in fact, able to come to a stop. The bad news, is that you’re not entirely sure when that will be. Honestly, I think this car has a built in program to change the brake feel every time you turn it on. There is one consistent factor however, and that is that there is about a full inch of pedal travel before the brakes kick in at all, and then, upon passing the threshold, the econo car gods release the holy flood of brake grab upon you, the likes of which even Noah couldn’t have survived. Luckily, being such a light car, the Yaris does come to a stop fairly quickly.

Yaris Rear

Ride: 6/10

This is another area in which the Yaris performs well, and to the average car buyer this is a godsend. I’m not sure if my positive perception of the Yaris’s ride is due to the fact that I have spent most of my time here being driven in a Wrangler over the highest concentration of speed bumps on the planet, or if it really is that good. But frankly, the ride is actually quite nice. There’s no excessive jolting while traversing bumpy roads, nor are there any unsettling creaks, cracks, or shimmys. It has been utterly comfortable over the course of its stay with me.

Handling: 5/10

While I haven’t been able to “give it the beans,” per se, in the handling department, I have taken it through quite a few roundabouts at speed, and frankly, the Yaris is not terrible. It’s not good, either, but it does usually go where you point it, and there isn’t an excessive amount of body roll upon cornering, so alas, 4 points.

Gearbox: 3/10

The Yaris SE is equipped with a 4 speed automatic transmission, seemingly from the mid 90s. It holds gears too long, has one speed too few, and there’s enough time to break for shawarma between shifts. Standing hard on the accelerator is quite amusing though, because there is a whole lot of racket and next to no actual acceleration, followed by a chorus of “come on, come on!” from all occupants. And then you get rear-ended by a laborer in a Nissan.

Yaris Engine

Audio: 3/10

It has a stereo with an auxiliary input, which is nice, but it isn’t 2005 anymore. Additionally, I couldn’t help but be disappointed that there wasn’t a “Party Mode” button like on the newer 4Runners. I know it doesn’t do anything significant, but who doesn’t want Party Mode? As for the engine note, it sounds fantastic… if you’re a fan of the sound of a thousand angry wasps lusting for your flesh inside of an oil drum. Unfortunately, due to the Yaris’s tendency for super long gearing, you get to hear the 1.5 in all its buzzing glory for several seconds every time you hit the highway, of which there are many.

Toys: 2/10

This is another area where the Yaris truly falls flat. While it gains a point for having air conditioning and an aux jack, there is literally nothing else to this car. It only has one true cupholder, the other two being flimsy pop-outs that sit directly in front of the side air vents. So in the heat of the Arabian desert, you can choose to bring water and swelter in the heat, or feel the cool air on your face and die of thirst. Pick your poison.

And while the lack of features in this car is staggering, the most notable omission from the window sticker has to be cruise control. That’s right folks. You can buy a new car, in 2014, without cruise control. This begs the question: seriously Toyota? Cruise control has been around longer than I’ve been alive, and in a country made entirely of sand, camels, and HIGHWAYS, you sell your most popular vehicle without it?? Unacceptable.

Value: 8/10

Bearing in mind all of its shortcomings, and the fact that it barely passes as what Toyota call a “car,” the Yaris is incredibly cheap. The 1.5 liter SE model that I have been driving retails for under $15,000 and the 1.3 liter S model starts at around $13,000. That’s barely pocket change in the world of new cars. But the glaring lack of features and engineering that hasn’t changed for decades makes this Toyota hard to justify over entry level economy cars such as the Ford Fiesta and Chevy Sonic sedans, not to mention the incredibly cheap Nissan Versa, which are all better equipped and return better fuel economy than the ‘Yota. Growing competition in this increasingly popular segment makes the Yaris seem like even less of a bargain than it is already.

Total: 43/100

Engine: 1.5L Inline 4
Power:
 107 HP @ 6000 RPM / 104 lb-ft @4200 RPM
Transmission: 
Four-speed automatic
0-60 Time:
 11.0 – 11.5s, apparently
Top Speed: 120 km/h because it beeps at you incessantly if you go above that so I haven’t bothered.
Drivetrain: 
Front-Wheel Drive
Curb Weight:
 1045 kg
Seating: 4 People and maybe a small dog or a box of tissues
MPG: 
32.7 combined
MSRP:
 AED 53,500 ($14,565)

Jaguar is the Most Exciting Automaker Right Now

Posted by commongearhead on April 23, 2014
Posted in: Opinion. Tagged: F-Type, Jaguar, XF, XJ, XK. Leave a comment

Jaguar-F-Type_R_Coupe_2015_1024x768_wallpaper_7c

Yes, you read that correctly. Jaguar, makers of such deplorable turds as the S-Type and X-Type just a few years ago, and perennial British underachievers since the mid 1970s, are the most exciting mainstream car company with vehicles for sale in the US right now.

You may be wondering why I’m making such a bold argument for a company that made such terrible products for the majority of my lifetime. And the answer is simple: Jaguar’s current and future lineup is, on a whole, more exciting, sexier, and of higher quality than that of every other company.

Jaguar-XFR_2012_800x600_wallpaper_01

Allow me to elaborate. In the last few years, Jaguar has been on its own with corporate partner Land Rover. Yes, they were purchased by Tata shortly after being cut loose from Ford in the midst of the Carpocalypse, but the Indian automaker has allowed JLR to do their own thing to an enormous extent, and it has paid off tremendously.

Given this freedom of operation, JLR chose not to shamelessly copy or directly compete with the big three German luxury companies, but rather to return to their roots, designing and manufacturing elegant, fast, and downright gorgeous vehicles. They could have played it safe and groveled for sales, but instead they said “Boffins!” (I presume). “Let’s make some bloody good automobiles, chaps! Cheers!” So they hitched up their knickerbockers, grabbed a pint, and designed and built a lineup of sedans and coupes with roaring V8s and drop-dead gorgeous looks.

Jaguar-XJR_2014_800x600_wallpaper_03

In my completely objective and not at all biased opinion, Jaguar makes the best looking car in each of their respective classes. Anyone who thinks that the S-Class, 7 Series, or A8 is in any way comparable to the XJ in terms of looks needs to get the liederhosen out of their eyes and take a second look. And while I’ve always been a big fan of Porsche, the F-Type is still the sexiest car I’ve seen in a long time. The only potential weak link is the aging XK, but it’s still a remarkable grand tourer, and its production is slated to be ceased soon, so it won’t be around for much longer anyways.

Jaguar-XKR-S_2012_800x600_wallpaper_03

Jaguar also focused their entire lineup on being fun to drive, which has become such a hollow promise from so many automakers these days, but one that Jaguar actually delivered on. The XF, XJ, and F-Type are consistently picked as one of the most fun options you can buy among competitors in countless comparison tests. Not to mention that Jag’s V8 produces a hellish snap, crackle, and pop that would make even the meanest Doberman whimper in fear. Hell, they’re entire ad campaign is centered around British villains and how much fun being evil is. If that doesn’t signify a fun-loving self-aware company, then I don’t know what does.

Jaguar-F-Type_R_Coupe_2015_800x600_wallpaper_55

With a all-aluminum sport sedan on the way to combat the 3 Series and many others in an increasingly-competitive segment, and a great looking SUV in the works, the only direction for Jag seems to be up. I’m excited to see where the next few years takes them, and if by some miracle they are unsuccessful, then I look forward to buying an F-Type 20 years down the road for pocket change.

Jaguar-C-X17-Crossover-Concept-Designboom01

Stay awesome, Jag. We enthusiasts depend on companies like you.

 

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: Luxury SUVs

Posted by commongearhead on April 4, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Tagged: Cayenne, Luxury SUV, Porsche, Range Rover. Leave a comment

Welcome to another installment of HUUCBOTW, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter! This week, we turn our attention to the suit-wearing bluetooth-using douchebag special: the luxury SUV!

I apologize if I offended any luxury SUV owners in the introduction. Everyone knows luxury SUVs aren’t driven exclusively by douchebags. They’re also driven by rich housewives and overpaid athletes.

If anyone from outside of the US could pick one type of vehicle to signify our great nation, it would be a big ol’ pickup truck. But if they could pick two vehicles, the other would be a luxury SUV. More space and more dinosaur juice has become all but synonymous with America, and our two contenders this week exemplify that mantra perfectly! Well, except for the fact that they’re made by British and German companies, but who’s counting?

Luckily, thanks to the wonders of exponential depreciation of luxury vehicles, these two butt-hauling beauties can be had for less than $10K! Unluckily, the inevitable weekly repair bills will cost you more than Donald Trump pays his hairstylist to keep him looking young and beautiful.

So grab your briefcase, your spoiled kids, and/or your latest contract from the Miami Heat and pick your favorite luxury SUV!

2004 Porsche Cayenne S – $9,995

Cayenne Front

BLASPHEMY! SACRILEGE! SWEET BRAND-WHORING MOTHER OF DEUTSCHLAND! Now that I’ve gotten all of my enthusiast-required Cayenne hate out of the way right off the bat, I can tell you a little bit about Porsche’s first SUV.

The Cayenne was introduced in 2004, much to the chagrin of Porsche brand purists. Despite the fact that it was their first foray into SUV territory and was therefore unproven, the Cayenne sold like hotcakes to people who wanted an SUV but also wanted to say very smugly to inferior scum that they drive a Porshhhhh.

Cayenne Interior

The Cayenne S was pushed along by a 340 hp and 310 lb-ft V8, getting it to 60 in 7.1 ticks of the clock. Being a Porsche from the early 2000s, it was more complicated and expensive to fix than that 100 year old grand piano in your ballroom. I believe replacing the spark plugs went as follows: 1) Open hood. 2) Remove engine. 3) Do the hokey pokey. 4) Have a bit of bratwurst and sauerkraut. 5) Turn yourself around. 6) ??? 7) Replace engine.

But if you wanted to drive a Porshhhh but you couldn’t live without the ability to run over basically anything you please, then the Cayenne was what it’s all about. (Wink wink).

To see the Cars.com ad for this car, click here.

2004 Land Rover Range Rover HSE – $9,999

Range Rover Front

The Land Rover Red Rover Red Rover Send Range Rover Right Over has long been regarded as the pinnacle of luxury SUVs. Each new model is supremely comfortable, stylish, and incredibly capable off road. Unsurprisingly, however, the vast majority of Range Rovers have never seen unpaved terrain, except for that one time their owners went up to the wine country in Northern California. It’s truly wonderful up there, you know.

However, despite their incredible capability and popularity, Range Rovers are all afflicted with one fatal flaw: they’re British made. If the Brits can’t even be trusted to keep a bunch of rowdy colonists under control, then how are they supposed to build a reliable SUV? The Rove’s plush seats and well-equipped interior will shroud you in luxury… that is, of course, until you sneeze and every electronic gizmo ceases to function as you plow along at 90 on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Range Rover Interior

The Range Rover HSE is motivated by a 4.2 L BMW V8 which it shared with the 7 series of the same time period. It came equipped with a 5-speed automatic, and only an automatic, because shifting gears by hand should be left to the uncultured swine. I would quote power figures but frankly, they’re irrelevant. The most they’re ever used for is getting up to well above the legal speed limit in the left lane in a reasonable amount of time.

To see the Cars.com ad for this car, click here.

Which upper crust utility vehicle would you choose? Let us know in the poll below!

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: American Muscle…?

Posted by commongearhead on March 27, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Tagged: American, Camaro, HUUCBOTW, Muscle, Mustang. Leave a comment

Welcome to the latest installment of HUUCBOTW, where the cars are actually more reliable than CNN’s reporting. This week, we turn our attention to the greatest country in the world: this one! (Results may vary).

Is there anything more American than squeezing ridiculously pitiful amounts of horsepower out of oversized, lethargic engines? If you answered no… then you’re wrong! The answer was “over-enthusiastic misguided patriotism.”

However, seeing as this is a car-related website, let’s just pretend the first answer was correct.

This is not the first time we’ve revisited the late 80s and early 90s, and while our friends in Japan were starting to get things right again with their cars, America was still getting things horribly, disastrously wrong. But amongst all of the angular turds we were churning out, there are still some cars from this era that are loved by both enthusiasts and dudebros alike. And today, we get to look at two of them! Yee haw!

So fire up your walkman, turn on some Full House or Family Matters, and take the poll at the end to pick your favorite American “muscle” car!

1991 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 – $4,995

Camaro Front

The all-knowing Jeremy Clarkson once dubbed this generation of Camaro “a murderer’s car” when he purchased one to drive through the Southern US, and I don’t think a more fitting description has been devised for anything else ever. But with every dark cloud, there is a silver lining: the Z28 is a fast murderer’s car!

Of course, when I say “fast” I mean “faster than the RS version” which was about as quick as getting a bill through Congress. This 1991 Z28 comes with a 4-speed automatic (booooo) and a 5.0L V8 pushing out 170 horses when new. Bearing in mind annual horsepower depreciation and many murderous miles, it probably puts out the equivalent of one horse’s leg today.

Camaro Interior

23 years ago it hustled to 60 miles per hour in 9.5 seconds, which leads me to believe that many previous owners are now behind bars for unsuccessfully attempting to flee from the law.

Being an American car from any time in, oh I don’t know, the past 100 years, it has a lot of rust issues. But thankfully, parts are easy to come by and a few simple upgrades can turn this Z from sleepy to sleeper without breaking the bank.

To see the Cars.com ad for this car, click here.

1993 Ford Mustang LX 5.0 – $5,700

Fox Mustang Front

I’ve always been a Mustang guy, but I’ve got a bit of an issue with the Fox Body. Fanboys will go on and on about how it’s light, cheap, relatively powerful, and “comparatively good looking” for the time period. But they’re all wrong… it’s downright hideous. I mean, it looks like they completely forgot to integrate headlights into the design, and when it came time to present the prototype to their bosses, they said “dammit Jerry, get me a saw and the headlights from that Taurus over there!”

But despite its complete lack of show, the 5.0 had a decent amount of go for its time, pushing out 205 horses. And best of all, it’s a liftback! So much more room for activities!

Fox Mustang Interior

Fanbros are quick to mention that they’re cheap to maintain and upgrade and are capable of putting out irresponsible amounts of horsepower and noise. Nothing quite like giving some pensioner a heart attack as you peel out of the Walmart parking lot, is there?

What they won’t tell you, however, is that upon cornering the Fox experienced about as much body roll as Bring It On: All or Nothing. Don’t ask me how I know this, it’s not important.

To see the Craigslist ad for this car, click here.

Which one would you have? Take the poll and let us know!

P.S. I’m just now realizing that “American Muscle” is a play on American Hustle. You’re welcome.

 

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: Early 2000s Hot Hatches

Posted by commongearhead on March 13, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Leave a comment

Welcome to another installment of HUUCBOTW, which I’m pretty sure translates to something highly insulting in Finnish based on several strongly-worded emails I have received. This week, we turn our attention to a perennial automotive favorite: the hot hatchback. And as a bonus, we get to revisit the early 2000s, which we all remember was a great time for everyone!

Hot hatchbacks are revered throughout the world for their spunkiness, practicality, fuel economy, and low price. To many people, they are all you ever need from a car. I say this wholly from experience, because I am the proud owner of a 2007 GTI which I lovingly dubbed “Broomhilda,” and it is the most perfect and wonderful vehicle ever designed and manufactured by Germans in white lab coats on a diet of strictly sauerkraut and bratwurst (I assume).

The early 2000s, however, were an awful time for cars. American automakers were churning out cheap plastic and low-grade steel turds and Europe wasn’t doing much better at all. The industry-wide official slogan may as well have been “eh, whatever” because the cars certainly exemplified that mindset. How else do you explain the existence of the Pontiac Aztek?

So, in honor of this wonderful automotive genre during this horrible, terrible decade, let’s take a look at two of the best that America and Germany had to offer. Which one would you have?

2002 Ford Focus SVT – $6,890

Focus SVT Front

The introduction of the Focus is widely regarded as a turning point for Ford. It was their entry into the global marketplace with a safely-styled, cheap, and widely acceptable economy car. However, being a Ford from the turn of the millennium, it’s about as reliable as, oh I don’t know, intelligence regarding Iraq’s stock of WMDs.

Focus SVT Rear

The Focus SVT, however, seemed to right all the wrongs that the base Focus suffered from with one simple solution: MOAR POWAR. SVT and Cosworth improved the Focus’s 2.0 L 4-cylinder with aluminum cylinder heads, enlarged intake ports, and many other go-fast goodies that boosted the output from 140 to 170 hp. Those improvements, coupled with the 6 speed manual from a Mini Cooper S meant this ugly little puppy had some bite to match its bark.

SVT’s wizardry turned this dreary little econobox into a truly exciting little hot hatch, but is all that enough to overlook the fact that it’s still a cheap-as-dirt Focus deep down? That’s for you to decide.

To see the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

2004 Volkswagen GTI 1.8T – $5,995

GTI Front

Anybody who knows me, or has actually bothered to read the introduction to this article, is well aware that I am a big GTI fanboy. I firmly believe that there are is no better car to own every single day in terms of being an all-rounder than VW’s econo-car masterpiece.

GTI Rear

That being said, the MKIV GTI is horse shit. It weighed too much, it wasn’t powerful enough, and it handled like the suspension was made of boiled potatoes. Couple that with the fact that something (or everything) on the car is bound to fall off, leak profusely, or just plain declare a blitzkrieg on you for looking at it the wrong way, and you’ve got a recipe for a pretty miserable time.

However, in terms of appearance, fit and finish, and overall build quality, the MKIV is certainly a step up from Ford’s teenage daughter special. The GTI certainly has a more buttoned-up appearance than the SVT, which screams “Step off bro! I went to Juvie once!” So if sophistication means more to you than boy racer fenders and rims, das German might be the way to go.

To see the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

Which one would you have? Take the poll and let us know!

The Volvo Concept Estate Is Everything

Posted by commongearhead on February 26, 2014
Posted in: Concept Cars. Tagged: Sexy, Volvo, Volvo Concept Estate. Leave a comment

Volvo Concept Estate Profile

When will Volvo give us a chance to breathe? After making us swoon with the stunning Concept Coupe and Concept XC Coupe released just months ago, our fair-skinned friends from the great Scandinavian phallus drop this bombshell on us.

It’s no secret that Volvo has been struggling as of late. The Swedish carmaker, famous for it’s safe, reliable, boxes driven almost exclusively by hippies, moms, and tweed-laden professors, is butting heads with it’s new Chinese parent company, Geely. The Chinese overlords want Volvo to compete directly with Mercedes and BMW, but Volvo would rather stick to its quirky, meatball and lingonberry roots, and stay loyal to its customer base. But regardless of whose vision is better, Volvo is still bleeding out profusely. Their sales slipped from 140,000 vehicles in 2004 to around 60,000 in 2013.

Volvo Concept Estate Front

But this beautiful brown shooting brake, the third and final concept in Volvo’s new design studies, is a beacon of hope that maybe things aren’t so bad after all. In fact, they’re drop-dead sexy.

Volvo Concept Estate Open Hatch

Thomas Ingenlath, Senior VP of Design at Volvo, is responsible for all three concepts, and this is the pinnacle of his work. It represents a new direction for the ailing brand, and it’s a strong return to many of the qualities that have made Volvos desirable to so many for so long. It is clearly a modern interpretation of the fantastic 1970s P1800 ES Shooting Brake, but possesses so many characteristics that point to an exciting future.

Volvo Concept Estate Roof

The t-shaped LED headlights are as strong a signature as Thor’s Hammer (I really hope that was the inspiration behind them), and the taillights are distinctive, elegant, and strictly Volvo. I think the panoramic glass roof is one of the best I’ve ever seen, because it looks essential to the design of the car, not simply tacked on to illicit oohs and ahhs from people who presumably haven’t looked up at the sky before.

Volvo Concept Estate Interior

But as elegant and distinctive as the exterior is, the interior is even more promising. Volvo says that this interior design language is essentially a direct preview of things to come, and if so, me likey. The center touch screen is well placed and sized, and is integrated seamlessly into the flow of the dashboard. Nothing is outlandish and terribly bold, but everything is ergonomic, sleek, and practical, as we’ve come to expect from the nation famous for IKEA.

Volvo Concept Estate Rear Interior

Perhaps this is a sign then that Volvo is alive and well and poised for a roaring comeback. They have clearly put the right people in charge of design and brand identity, and assuming they stick to their roots and soldier on, it’s safe to say they have a future as bright as summer in the Arctic Circle.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to lie down on my couch for a minute. And yes, I bought it at IKEA.

 

Cyclists Are Literally the Worst

Posted by commongearhead on February 20, 2014
Posted in: Opinion. Tagged: Cyclists Suck. Leave a comment

Cyclists Suck

I realize that the title is a bit inflammatory, but after having a very unpleasant altercation with a cyclist while walking to class this morning, I have to vent my frustrations. Let me ease some of the tension by qualifying this statement: many cyclists are perfectly fine individuals with whom I have no quarrel, but just as many are aggressive, self-righteous jackasses who deserve to have their riding privileges revoked.

Allow me to elaborate on my encounter. This morning, at approximately 10:20 AM I was on my way from my apartment to Northeastern University for my first class of the day. Due to the absurd amount of precipitation that has befallen the city of Boston in the last few weeks, the path that I take to class had become very icy. This route consists of a bike path and a walking path that are parallel to each other. Upon realizing that the stretch of walking path ahead of me was much icier than the bike path, I chose to look behind me quickly, and cross over to the bike path side, seeing as to how it was not busy. I courteously stayed to the right hand side of the path, leaving approximately 10 feet of space on my left for any cyclists who happened upon me to pass safely. The large, extensively hairy gentleman walking ahead of me on the bike path, who looked a bit like the guy from Lost, was also thoughtfully staying out of the way.

Enter: Asshat. A blur of black and red flies by me on the left with no prior warning, startling me a fair amount and causing me to reflexively clench my buttocks. He proceeds to coast up to the crosswalk ahead, and stop to wait for the walk symbol. As my furry companion and I catch up to him, attempting to walk by on the small, icy sliver of sidewalk he left us behind his bike and his massive ego, he decides to tell my compadre that “the bike lane is for bikes only, use your brain next time!” As I pass him, he says “you too, asshole!”

This is what set me off. Instead of just riding on by, accepting the natural right of humans to walk wherever they please that is safest and most preferable to them, he has to make an ass of himself and of all other bikers. I told him to “have a nice day” (or something along those lines), and he proceeded to tell me to “have fun going to class in the 70s,” presumably a comment on the leather jacket I was wearing. Then he sped off when the light turned and promptly turned back and gave me the finger.

Now, I understand that commuting on a bicycle is a healthy, environmentally-friendly way to get to work, and that cyclists are often passionate about their hobby. I also understand that cyclists, generally moving at a higher rate of speed than pedestrians with little to no bodily protection, are at a higher risk of injury from cars or falling. But for the love of God, if your method of dealing with this passion and insecurity is being a general ass wipe to the people around you, then you deserve to be hit by the bus.

Driving in the city, I am constantly surprised by cyclists darting out from behind stopped cars in traffic, speeding across crosswalks at busy intersections while the light is green for cars, and lane splitting like they own the road. They ignore red lights, expect cars to slow down dangerously when they’re around, and even ride on sidewalks from time to time to get to their destination faster. If you do this, I hate you.

When you’re on the road, or more importantly on public walking and biking paths, respect the rules of the road, and be a courteous commuter. The fact that you ride a bike to work is no excuse to be a prick to people who are trying to get where their going via other modes of transportation. You are very near the bottom of the transportation food chain, and you should conduct yourself accordingly. Respect everyone on the road, and maybe, just maybe, I and everyone else can begin to respect you.

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: Late 80s Japanese Sports Cars

Posted by commongearhead on February 11, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Tagged: 80s, Duran Duran, Japanese, Sports Cars. Leave a comment

Nanika atta, fellow gearheads? In this week’s installment of HUUCBOTW, we journey back to the late 80s for a blast from the past. I wasn’t around to experience it, but the 80s seemed like a great time. I know this, because I’m aware of the Bowling for Soup song “1985,” and I happen to know every word from every movie of the Back to the Future franchise.

“Great Scott!” you might be thinking. “The 80s were a terrible decade! Reaganomics were rampant, the War on Drugs was a’ ragin’, and Duran Duran was considered ‘music.'” Yes, all of that may be true, but the 80s are also responsible for wedgy, debatably awesome cars that I and many other gearheads are quite fond of despite their lack of any redeeming qualities whatsoever (DeLorean, anyone?).

The 80s also began the onslaught of Japanese automakers, many of whom are among the most successful today, despite their tendencies to now turn out beige turdmobiles for suburban Americans. But in the 80s, Japanese cars were fun. They were quirky and different and they drove extremely well and why oh why can’t it just be like that today?!

In honor of my nostalgia for a decade I didn’t even experience, here are two of the best sports cars that Japan had to offer. Which one would you have?

1987 Toyota Supra – $4,200

Supra Front

Supra Rear

Every kid who knew anything about cars and grew up in the 90s knows about the Mark IV Supra. According to The Fast and the Furious franchise, it was basically the fastest and coolest car you could ever have, regardless of what Italy might have to say on that matter. It was curvy, had a ridiculous spoiler on the trunk lid, and everybody wanted one.

This, however, is not that car. This is the Mark III, which is all but completely irrelevant, obscured eternally by the shadow of its younger sibling. Being the predecessor to the mighty Mark IV is like being Eric Roberts. You call yourself an actor, but you’re really just Julia’s older brother and that’s all you’ll ever be.

But despite it’s irrelevance, don’t discount the Supra’s 80s-tasticness. My best friend in high school had a 1986.5 model and it was bad ass. We lovingly dubbed it “Mr. Fuji,” a reference to our beloved Pokémon franchise, and it was fantastic. A 5-speed, rear wheel drive, coupe from Japan as a first car? Sign me up! Sadly, I only had a Volvo…

Now, you may be wondering why a Toyota is included in HUUCBOTW, and you would be correct in wondering that. Generally, Toyotas can be repaired and maintained with some duct tape and crossed fingers, but the Supra is one of the more rare Toyotas, and parts are hard to come by. So suck it, haters, it’s staying on here.

To check out the Ebay Motors ad for this car, click here.

1990 Mazda RX-7 – $4,900

RX-7 Front

RX-7 Rear

I know, I know, this is technically a 1990 model. But it was designed and built in the 80s so get over it. The RX-7 also suffers from “Overshadowed Syndrome” like the Supra, it’s younger sibling being the mighty FD, also of 90s fame, but it’s still a great car and for that it deserves merit.

It’s powered by the incredibly wacky but undeniably awesome 13B rotary or Wankel engine. Felix Wankel designed the rotary engine in the early 60s, and for those of you who aren’t familiar with it, it’s essentially a rapidly-spinning triangle that performs internal combustion through some devil magic that I won’t get into now.

The RX-7 is also a Mazda, which means that it is inherently fun to drive. I’ve owned a Mazda3, which I lovingly named “Ruby” and my sister stupidly renamed “Fred II” after the demise of our Volvo, and it was a blast to drive. Pair that nature with a high-revving, rear wheel drive coupe platform, and you have a recipe for success.

But all good things come at a price, and that price is heinous unreliability. If you own a car with a Wankel engine, you can bet your triangles that it’ll crap out at around 80,000 miles. Any Wankel that’s made it further than that mark without a major engine overhaul is cause for concern. But nonetheless, it will certainly be a “rampant rabbit” to drive, in the words of the great Jeremy Clarkson.

To check out the Cars For Sale ad for this car, click here.

Which one would you choose? Let us know in the poll below!

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: Swedish Sleepers

Posted by commongearhead on February 4, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Tagged: Saab, Swedish Sleepers, Volvo. 1 Comment

As promised, but surprising nonetheless, here is the second installment of HUUCBOTW right on time! This week, we turn our attention to our socialist neighbors from the phallic north (seriously, Scandinavia looks like a gentleman’s sausage).

The Swedes are famous for many things: pickling fish for the hell of it, making delicious meatballs, IKEA, and churning out beautiful blonde women (just ask my girlfriend). One thing they are not famous for, with the exception of Koenigseggomelettewithcheese(?), are performance automobiles. But fear not, fellow gearheads! With these two sleeper sedans, you too can have all the performance your little heart desires, all wrapped up in a highly unconventional and unreliable Swedish design.

These sultry Swedes will pickle your fish in a heartbeat, because underneath their comfortable, quirky skin lies the pulsating heart of an… ice lion? I don’t know, I’m not really familiar with Scandinavian fauna. Either way, which one would you have?

2000 Saab 9-3 Viggen – $6,000

Saab Front

Saab Rear

The Saab 9-3 Viggen is a version that nobody knows about of a car that not many people like, barring college professors and hipsters who dress like professors. It is Saab’s “hot” 9-3, named for their 37 Viggen fighter jet. Yes, Saab is originally famous for making jets, which is slightly scary because if the jets are made with mid 90s GM parts as well, then I suggest you stay indoors until all the pieces have fallen from the sky and it’s safe to walk around.

But, much like a jet, this car is fast. It packs a 2.3L 4-cylinder making 225 hp with 20 psi of boost from its turbo. The turbo is the important bit here, because all forced induction Saabs have a boost gauge on the dash. That’s right, a boost gauge. Check out how much boost I got, bro. Another Saab quirk is the transmission-tunnel-mounted ignition, which is very fighter-jet-esque. You may knock the keys out of the ignition while shifting gears vigorously, but at least you’ll get to live your dream as a fighter pilot vicariously through your Saab… bro.

Unfortunately, this ground bound war machine is front-wheel-drive only, and with 225 hp on tap, that’s a recipe for massive torque steer. Hit the gas pedal with your hands off the wheel, and you’ll end up somewhere in the middle of Stockholm before you know it.

To check out the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

2004 Volvo S60 R – $6,999

Volvo Front

Volvo Rear

I have a special place in my heart for Volvos. My first car was a 1999 S70 which I lovingly named “Lucille,” and my sister stupidly renamed “Fred.” But as much as I loved Lucille/Fred, she/he was wrought with maintenance issues, to the point where the check engine light was permanently on, presumably because the car was hungry for some herring.

But Volvo didn’t just build unreliable bricks at the turn of the millennium, they also built fast unreliable bricks. The S60 R is an all-wheel-drive, turbocharged, 5-cylinder rocket putting out 296 hp and 300 lb-ft of torque. Why a 5 cylinder, you ask? Because even number cylinders are so rest-of-the-world and not fun at all. It’s like an ABBA song, but it’s a car and it isn’t terrible. And even more importantly, it has Volvo seats, meaning your Swedish meatballs will be more comfortable in this thing than in any other car on the planet.

Despite its notorious unreliability, it’s the cheapest, fastest, AWD car you can buy, making it, in my opinion, a pretty Swede deal! (I apologize deeply for the previous pun.)

To check out the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

Which one would you choose?

Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week: Executive Sedans

Posted by commongearhead on January 27, 2014
Posted in: HUUCBOTW. Tagged: Luxury Sedans, Maserati, Mercedes, Unreliable Used Cars. Leave a comment

As a devoted (read: clinically insane) automotive enthusiast, I spend most of my time on the internet perusing car-related sites and videos when I should be doing more productive things, like studying… or paying attention to literally anything else at all that isn’t car-related. But because I am afflicted with this car crazy curse, naturally I spend a significant amount of time on used car sites looking for enthusiast cars (read: unreliable and slightly one-off). And as I enjoy tickling the keys (read: blogging) every once in a while, I thought I’d turn my interest in internet window shopping into a series of posts for your enjoyment. Not that I expect you to enjoy any of this, because I totally will not be offended and cry myself to sleep if you do not.

So, without further ado, I present the first installment of the Common Gearhead’s weekly (if I have time) series: Heinously Unreliable Used Car Battle of the Week!

This week on HUUCBOTW (wow that doesn’t really roll off the tongue at all), we have a pair of European executive sedans. This class of automobile is ideal for those pesky 1-percenters that everyone’s always going on about. Big, comfortable land yachts that are as luxurious to drive as they are to be driven around in… if you’re into that sort of thing. But for us lowly, entry-level, cubicle-dwelling gearheads, they represent the biggest and best that luxury automakers had to offer about 10 years ago.

And since I’m on a budget, I’ve limited the price to $20,000 for both cars. Let’s see what our more sophisticated but less-showered neighbors from across the mighty Atlantic have to offer.

2007 Mercedes-Benz S550 4MATIC – $19,800

S-Class Front

S-Class Rear

The Mercedes S-Class has been the pinnacle of luxury automobiles for its entire history. With each new S-Class, you can count on Mercedes to introduce several new technologies that you’ll be able to have in your new Kia in approximately 10-25 years. This is a dictator’s chariot. The closest thing you can get to a Rolls-Royce or a Bentley without looking overly douchey.

However, as well-built as Mercedes’ generally are, being a high-strung technical marvel means that this black beauty is no cheap date when it comes time to visit the mechanic. Don’t be caught off guard when you take it in to get the window switches fixed and the repair bill has more zeros than your stoner friend’s report card in high school. Also, avoid driving through wealthy zip codes, because with an old model S-Class, you’ll look like a down-on-her-luck middle-aged former trophy wife.

To find the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

2005 Maserati Quattroporte – $20,000

Maser Front

Maser Rear

Italia! Molto benne! Fettuccine! Quattroporte! Words just sound better when spoken in Italian. Coincidentally, so do engines. This beautiful bella has a Ferrari-engineered V8 under the hood and she’ll swaddle your butt with Italian leather while you cruise in an interior fit for the inside of a Prada handbag. This is a car for the CFO who fancies himself a passionate man. I’m so passionate. Look at all my passion and chest hair. It’s Italian by every sense of the word. If that model from those Fiat commercials were actually a car, she wouldn’t be a dinky little 500, she would be a long, lean, and majestic Quattroporte.

Unfortunately, the Italian method of assembling automobiles seems to be as follows:

1. Put the parts you have in front of you where you think they’re supposed to go.

2. Go home early, drink Limoncello, and tell yourself that “Antonio will finish it tomorrow.”

So, unless your definition of passion includes fiery death, this may not be the executive sedan for you, Mr. Chest Hair.

To find the cars.com ad for this car, click here.

Which one would you choose?

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